Putting the “Men” in “Dimension” Part 2: In the Company of Guys

Whether it’s uncommunciative fathers, or technology, or shifting gender roles, most males these days are softer than a down comforter (The Situation included), and about as balanced and evolved as rhesus monkeys. Moreover, I think a lot males are subconsciously aware of it, that when called upon to do the things my Fab Four could do, that ANY man should be able to do, they’re pretty much fucked. These things include (but are not limited to) the following: protecting a woman’s honour (or persuading her to let you besmirch it); successfully planning and executing a camping trip (so besmirching can be done in the wild); laying carpet and grouting tile in the home (where you and your mate have decided to make besmirching a regular thing); explaining to the infant by-product of said besmirching why Mr. Finger and Mr. Light Socket can’t be friends…or, when the infant has grown into an inquisitive child, explaining why grass is green, why everybody floats in space, or why boys want to besmirch the honour of girls in the first place.

I don't waste my time in the company of guys, and neither should you.

This intuitive sense that fucking up is a real possibility has lead to a grand-mal aversion to failure. Modern males know that at any minute they could be exposed, that they stand to lose something (status, comfort, dignity, etc) by inviting the potential mistakes that come with manly responsibility. So most males stay on the side where the path is least resistant, and there’s a sale on Ed Hardy t-shirts. But for men like Da Vinci, or Franklin, or Roosevelt, or Newman, risk was reward. It helped them find balance. As Teddy said: ” Far better it is to dare mighty things to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”

There’s actually a word for the poor spirits that Teddy describes: guys. Today there are hundreds of millions of guys walking the earth, and fewer and fewer men. You want to rob a male of his credibility? Don’t call him a man…call him a guy: “That Nelson Mandela…what a guy!” Try it – it works for a lot of things: “Hey, did you hear who was voted Time Magazine’s ‘Guy of the Year’?” “12 Angry Guys? Amazing film!” But Roosevelt did not lead his best “guys” when they stormed San Juan Hill. No character on on the show 24 ever accused Jack Bauer of being a “dangerous guy.” No one is going to tell you to “guy up.” No one takes guys seriously, not even themselves.

So…is there redemption for the manly soul? Can guys still cross over into manhood? Yes, but guys are not going to like it. It involves swallowing our hollow pride and consciously choosing to have our limits tested – not just that, we have to look upon hardship with a grateful heart, as the only thing that make us man up in a world where no one expects it. What that hardship is, I can’t say…my experience is that the adversity is unique to the individual (what’s tough for you may not be tough for everybody), plus I’m still fine-tuning my unified field theory to Better-Man-Ness. All I can tell you now is what I think you need…well, what I need…what I’m getting right now, in fact. So there you go, guys. Balance can be yours…if you’re man enough.

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Comments (4)

Sudha K

Tuesday, 21 September, 2010 at 2:58

To Quote Paul Newman “If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.”
So while not disputing your point about hardship I would say the point of being a man is not about “aciton” but about “being” – not sure if that makes sense but I am tired.

Chris

Thursday, 23 September, 2010 at 11:50

That’s a very zen attitude, although I’ve never been terribly zen. I would argue that the personal hardship has made you even better than I already knew you to be -gave you wisdom and a sense of proportion regarding crises – and that’s hardly a bad thing.

Jac

Friday, 24 September, 2010 at 22:50

I think this “balance” you speak of is overrated… I think, in fact, that without “balance”…. that is a GUY word…. that it would be easier to reach true manhood… (if there is such a thing). Being balanced is so… benign. I think a certain amount of UNbalance is perfectly healthy and desirable. Often the things that bring the most joy in life come from hobbies or interests that we’re a little unbalanced about in the kind of time or attention we devote to them but… if they bring you joy….whose to say that kind of unbalance is a bad thing? ANd… often when you start a project… something like…. trying to become a Better Man….. you have to get unbalanced and somewhat extreme to devote yourself to that task… you don’t reach goals or rise to new heights of personal growth and awareness by always keeping it in balance.. in fact… I think that could actually hold you back from reaching full potential if you’re afraid to get a little extreme in some areas…. of course that’s just my opinion!!