Do you remember Brian Dunkleman?  Does the name sound familiar?  Think hard. Maybe he was your high school valedictorian…your optometrist, perhaps.

Okay, this could take a while so I’ll give you a mulligan: Dunkleman was Ryan Seacrest’s co-host on American Idol for the first season. The reason you may not recall his name is because he left the show after season one was over. Now the words, “Seacrest Out” annoy  millions of people all over North America.  Seacrest has a multi-million dollar production company and a sweetheart deal with E! Network.  Yes, RS is poised to be the 21^st century’s Casey Kasem, or Dick Clark… another man of indeterminate age, gender preference and talent, who is also inexplicably famous.

Dunkleman, on the other hand, is so far off the grid he may as well be Amish. And not in the cool way.

BD  has given many reasons for leaving Idol, from wanting to pursue a career in stand-up to objecting to the way the contestants were treated.  No matter the reason, the result has been the same; poor Brian is living out his life in relative obscurity. Oh sure, there’s been Celebrity Fit Club and the occasional appearance on Howard Stern, but that’s about it.

It’s too bad, because Dunkleman was WAY better than Seacrest.  He knew it too.  If you watch episodes of the first season, you can almost sense the entirely justified contempt that Dunkleman has for his vapid co-host.   The side long glances whenever RS spoke, the cutting one-liners whenever Seacrest finished a line and  Seacrest seemingly so dim as to be oblivious.  It’s apparent (to me, at least) that Dunkleman is smarter than Seacrest, and more talented.  Had he stayed on the show, it’s not unreasonable to think that he might have enjoyed all the perks that Seacrest does today…and we might all be better for it.

Instead, Dunkleman made a fateful decision.  He would later suffer from serious depression and put on weight (which did get him the gig on Celebrity Fit Club).  One can only imagine what it must be like to know that you’re more talented in every way than some other guy you worked with and then watch as Douchey McDoucherson goes onto fame and glory, while you wear the scarlet letter… all because you made a different choice.

Sigh… I don’t have to imagine it.   You see, I’m a Dunkleman too. 

I have watched as charming but less gifted former co-workers have sailed to dizzying heights, while I’m left to tell people the story of how I once knew them.  One of them was fired from MuchMusic because she was mind-boggingly lazy and disinterested in the “work” part of TV which didn’t involve the chance to meet and possibly screw celebrities. Today, she co-hosts her own program on National TV, where presumably she gets to meet and screw celebrities every single day. I have tried to watch the programs on which my former colleagues appear, but as Gore Vidal once said, “When a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.”   I know I’m not being gracious, but I can’t help it.

Now, one could argue my lack of career success is because I’m just not as talented as they are. Let’s accept that as a possibility, but table it for the moment.   Sure, I may not be everyone’s flavour of ice cream, but I have had enough success to prove that I know what I’m doing, even if I don’t get to do it that often.  No, as far as I can calculate, this is about a single decision.  I assume Dunkleman didn’t realize the gravity of his single decision at the time.  He does now, and has said publicly that it was a mistake for him to leave Idol.

The same can be said for me. A year into my stint at MuchMusic, I was offered the opportunity to leave my show in Vancouver to work in Toronto at the mothership.  I turned it down. I loved Vancouver, loved my freedom, loved my girlfriend (at that time), whose career was firmly based in the Lower Mainland.  I loved giving the indie bands who appeared on my show (and were unlikely to appear anywhere else on National TV) a leg up. Those seemed like solid reasons, at the time.

I had no idea that I’d slammed the door on a future.  Had I been in Toronto, I would have interviewed major celebrities, and those interviews would receive greater profile on the MuchMusic.  I would appear on shows that were a matter of priority to my employers.  Both my profile and caché as a host would’ve risen and for the network executives in that world, what you do is less important than the buzz around what you do.   That never occurred to me.   I know many bands were grateful for the exposure they received on my show, but career-wise this move, or lack of move as the case may be, was fatal.  I was like one of those people who sustains an aneurysm but walks around thinking he’s fine… until of course he drops dead.

Now I’m jobless. Sure, my confidence has taken a hit but I’m sure what few gigs I do get come as a result of my constant badgering and the resulting capitulation on the part of my employers.  I set no terms, I ask for nothing, I don’t change games…I don’t push for anything and I do exactly what is asked of me. Not exactly the way to get ahead, just the path to not falling farther behind.

So how does one recover from such a misstep?  I guess at some point, you have to make peace and move on.  A better man than myself would do that.  He acknowledges the mistake, accepts it, and vows to learn from it, without resentment or regrets.  The question is… how the FUCK do you do come back from something like that without being the Dalai Lama, or Nelson Mandela?

I suppose I could call those guys and ask, but who am I kidding, they’re not going to take my calls. You know who might… a man who’s  made just such a misstep; he’s been to the valley, he’s watched while mediocrity is embraced and his gifts go largely unnoticed.  The anti-Seacrest.

I called my manager in California to ask if she knew how to get a hold of Brian Dunkleman.   As it turns out, she MANAGES HIM AS WELL!  I had no idea! I asked her if he’d be interested in fielding my questions, and she tells me he’ll be more than happy to answer them.  So, the Pathos Twins shall gather for a pow-wow, and tomorrow you shall read about it.  Nelson out.