Falling on the Grenade
Well, this is a problem...
I’m like most people in that I oppose war – no biggie, really, since war is kind of easy to oppose, and to paraphrase Marx (Groucho, not Karl) I wouldn’t serve in any army that would have me as a soldier.
More perplexing to me is the mindset of soldiers, the ones who have the most to lose from war yet seem to support it so firmly. Sure, there can be a moral imperative for war, but we haven’t really had one of those since WW II. A soldier has to be willing to die for something, and I don’t think they do it for (sometimes misguided) foreign policy, or to keep a job, or for the kind of “my country, right or wrong” rationalizations that red state politicians run on.
I found the best rationale for why modern soldiers fight in Sebastian Junger’s excellent book War, wherein he documented the tour of a company of US soldiers in one of the deadliest parts of Afghanistan. Junger writes that soldiers don’t risk their life because they love war, or country – they do it because they love their comrades, and are convinced that failure to act could get those comrades killed. The very real possibility of death gives such actions a level of significance rarely found in regular life.
Almost all the soldiers Junger interviewed said they missed combat “not because they actually miss getting shot at – you’d have to be deranged – it’s that they miss being in a world where everything is important and nothing is taken for granted.” What’s more, they said they would feel no need to return to combat if they could find the same clarity of purpose in normal society. That’s understandable, since few things in civilian life come with the same life-or-death stakes – a fire fighter perhaps, maybe a police officer – oh yeah, and a parent.
Think about it – what parent wouldn’t fall on a grenade for their kids? Surely knowing that a defenseless child depends on you completely for its life must give meaning to a parent’s willingness to sacrifice – perhaps not as much as might be found from saving your buddies while being shelled in the open, but for both soldiers and parents that meaning comes from more or less the same place: unconditional love. Now, that’s not to say one needs to be a parent in order to be a Better Man – although in my case I have little choice but to find out, since I’m going to be a dad.
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Heegs
Love it. Beautifully done. Can’t wait to see where you take your life, and lives, next, Chris.
Chris
Yes, I can assure you Ms. BM was beautifully done.
Jason
Best news I have heard in a long time!
Congratulations to you and Ms. BM.
I promise to be in town the next time you come out west to Calgary.
(BTW – Diaper Genies suck. Seriously. Get a small garbage can with some decent garbage bags. Immediately upon deposit, get rid of the bag. Why you would want the soiled diaper to stay in the room is beyond me. See it’s starting already. Can you feel the ‘cool’ and the ‘hip’ being sucked out of you already? Maybe you will be the one guy I know who manages to stay cool despite parenthood. Good luck keeping the motorcycle!)
Chris
I can’t imagine what kind of bleak, joyless world you live in where news of my impending fatherhood is the best news you’ve heard in a while, but thanks man. Maybe your Cormac McCarthy-esque existence has something to do with the diaper genie…
Ms. BM is remarkably sensitive to the importance of hobbies outside the family that keeps one from killing said family in frustration, so the motorbike may stay longer than you think. She’s already made it clear to me that once she’s ready she intends to abandon me with baby for weeks at a time to go on vacations – “How can I miss you if I can’t escape from you little monsters from time to time?” She calls it our pressure release valves.
If it’s any consolation, the cool and hip was bled from me years ago, like air out of a basketball.
Honey
Hey Better Daddy! Congrats…just remember when she’s having the baby to ONLY give her two fingers (pointer and middle finger) to hold. A laboring woman WILL break your hand. I’m a doula and I’ve seen it happen 2 times. And, I secretly giggle every time ’cause it’s always some big guy that doesn’t think his ‘little lady’ can hurt him.. much less make him drop to his knees! hehe!
BTW…Jason’s right about the diaper genie. If you just use a trash can with a lid and empty it ever day you’ll be fine, and won’t have to buy expensive wallet draining, plastic landfill cloggers. Check out cloth diapers as you’re bound to have a diaper service if you don’t want to do an extra load of laundry. $40.00 in cloth diapers over the entire diaper time (you washing them) vs…well..$40.00 the first week of life. AND! it’s good for the environment, no poop smell ’cause you can just flush the solid in the toilet and baby has less rash issues. And, forget about the pins that scare you wondering if you’ll stab the baby ’cause they have these rubber band type things called Snappi’s and its awesome and easy. There’s also EC or elimination communication. By just paying attention and learning when babe potties they can be diaper free. My youngest was pottying on her own by 13 months. She had little potties in each room but it’s better than laundry and buying diapers!
Honey
http://www.mondorfment.blogspot.com
When Mon(tessori)(Wal)dorf (and Attach)ment parenting meet in our home
Chris
BabyMama and myself are planning to attend a hypnobirthing seminar this weekend. I think our hope is to be so HYP! NO! TIZED! during labour that people in the room have to tell us how it went afterwards. We’ll be so HYP! NO! TIZED! we’ll be like Brad Pitt in True Romance. Of course, we haven’t ruled out an epidural….
You mean to say that as a parent you have to pay…attention?! You’re some kind of baby whisperer. That’s amazing. As it so happens, I keep potties in each of my rooms so I can go everywhere too…
Thanks!
Redneck Mommy
Congratulations!!
Is it wrong that I’m totally laughing at your sweet naivety about becoming a daddy? Or a daddy blogger?
Meh, it’s so worth the giggles.
Chris
No it’s not wrong…I’m fully prepared to admit my head may be up my ass, and my noble intentions will be replaced with whatever I can do on the day. But I’ve read your blogs – is it naive to think I’ll want to step in front of a bullet or a horny teenager for my child? I think you’d disagree.
BTW…if you click through to the post on John Cusack, you tried to push your hairy sister on me. I hope you didn’t you didn’t get her hopes up.
Sherry Carr-Smith
Congratulations to you and Ms. BM! Also? Our pediatrician calls poop “BM” so… Speaking of poop, I agree about the gadgets for wrangling it, get a good trashcan.
Chris
Thanks – You know, that is the third time I’ve had someone say Ms. BM makes them think “Bowel Movement” – which of course, only makes me want to use it more.
Kelly
Congratulations! I followed Redneck Mommy’s link here, and now I’m reading backwards and loving your blog.
Maybe I’m around 7 year olds too much but Ms. BM sounds like potty humor to me. Maybe you should stick with BabyMama.
Chris
I don’t think you have to be seven to find Ms. BM kind of funny – since posting I’ve had four people say the same thing – perhaps a sign of my naivete as a newbie dad. I chose BM for many reasons – “Baby Mama” for the “Better Man” and all that, but perhaps I’ll only use it when BabyMama is pissing me off.
Thanks!
Melinda in SC
First of all, congratulations to you both.
Second, on the matter of baby stuff (discounting car seats)…don’t buy into all the crap. You won’t use half of it more than once or twice. A baby swing is awesome, unless they are afraid of the motion. A bouncy seat is a must (all three of mine loved this one). A crib, unless you plan to co-sleep. Changing tables?? Nah, just put a blanket on the bed or the floor. Diaper Genie? Put it in a small plastic bag before throwing in the garbage (it’s what the genie does, without the extra plastic and blood pressure raising malfunctioning). Breast pumps, though. Get a good electric one (TMI, I used the Medela Pump and Style, but most hospitals in the US will offer a hospital rental option).
Oh, and yeah, blah, blah, blah, my kids can be total devils, blah, blah, blah
Chris
Well, BabyMama is registered for the shower, so hopefully it’ll be someone else buying us crap we don’t need. I’ve heard Diaper Genies are a cruel joke played on young parents. A crib is being provided by Grandma BabyMama – complaints that I tend to roll over and pin Ms. BM in the bed without waking have led to concerns that I might crush the child without realizing it. The change table was purchased without my knowledge at a Pottery Barn Kids clearance sale, so I take no credit/blame for it.
The Breast Pump – that’s a good one. Tell me – do they make one for men?
I’m glad your demon children have not robbed you of the grace required to wish me well. Thanks!
gary
congrats Chris! That is great news, and I am more than sure you will make a great dad…..just think – you’ve had years of practice from dealing with rockstars….and Nardwaur!
Chris
The irony is I said the same thing to Nardwuar just the other idea – “If I’m a good dad, it will be partly because of you.”
Roberta
Hmmm… so where to begin.. being a dad was your road in life all along. I had no doubt that you would “go there” one day and do it in style. I giggled at the “advice” showered upon you already. Buckle up buddy and get an umbrella because this is only the beginning of the hours of advice you will get from both those aquainted with parenthood and those without the title. You will be screening for years to come. All I can say remember all those things you did as a child.. your mother is right, payback can be a bitch/bastard.. LOL!
Let me know dates so I can get Little Man knitting…
Chris
Well, I’m proud to say I was a great kid growing up, but mostly because my mother was fearsome woman – I was scared straight you might say. I didn’t come into my rebellion until late in high school, when I realized that when Prince wrote the lyric “maybe she’s just like mother, she’s never satisfied” he might’ve been referring to my mom as well. BTW, did you know his last name is Nelson too?
July 17th…give or take a few days. I’m going with early. BabyMama and I have a bottle of champagne riding on it.
Shaf
The best thing about having babies (aside from free gifts and more respect and/or pity) is the free advice/insight/assistance (solicited and unsolicited) you get all the time.
Here’s mine: http://www.boingboing.net/2011/04/26/go-the-fuck-to-sleep.html
Chris
Now, this is a book I would read to my kids…no question.
Geoff
Great stuff Chris. Well versed and delivered. I think I want to be a soldier now.
Chris
I suspect you would get the same advice from soldiers that I’m getting from fathers – it’s the toughest thing on earth they’ve ever done, had they known it was going to be this tough they may’ve reconsidered their choices, but it’s also proving to be the most worthwhile thing they’ve done with their life. I hope they’re both right.