ELECTION SPECIAL! We Love You Just the Way You Are

iggy and the stooges in their younger days

A friend of mine was complaining the other day about how ambivalent he felt concerning Monday’s Canadian federal election. When I asked why, he said it’s because the leaders in Canadian politics are so sad and uninspiring. Now, in the past, I may’ve agreed with him – I like a charismatic leader who makes me feel good about voting for him as much as anyone.

It’s only recently, however, that I’ve realized how wrong I was – not about about our leaders being sad and uninspiring, mind you. I was wrong in thinking their lack of any kind of charm or charisma was somehow bad. Now, I’m almost convinced that Canada is prosperous today precisely because we don’t have a single captivating leader to choose from, and will continue to be so long as our current choices NEVER try to be Better Men.

he's a cowboy, baby

Consider Stephen Harper for a moment. Now, in previous posts I may have implied that Stephen Harper is an asshole, but that’s only partly true. I will admit Mr. Harper is smart, and has what the Globe and Mail calls “managerial competence” (the political equivalent of describing a date as having a “nice personality”). Maybe the blow of the recession was softened thanks to policies implemented by Liberal governments prior to Harper taking office – at least he hasn’t fucked things up since. That’s managerial competence.

(Harper) reminds me of...the head of an IT department who got promoted because he knew which managers were watching porn on their work computers.

The fact is Harper is not so much an asshole as he is a typical geek – he has a feel for systems, but not for people. That’s why he runs the government like an autocrat, with an open contempt for Parliament, regular voters, and even most of the MPs in his own party. He reminds me of that hall monitor/Dungeons n’ Dragons club president in school, ratting on the cool kids for cutting class and smoking in the parking lot – or maybe the head of an IT department who got promoted because he knew which managers were watching porn on their work computers. Harper is a a less-cool Mark Zuckerberg who knows he’s smarter than everyone else, even if everyone else doesn’t realize it. His efforts to be just a regular guy by untucking his shirt and playing AC/DC covers on the organ only serves to reinforce his geekiness.

That such a charmless man should lead a developed, democratic nation would be virtually impossible if we didn’t live in a parliamentary democracy, and therein lies the best/worst part of voting in Canada. In a republic like America, everybody votes for president, making it essentially a nationwide popularity contest. Sure, lots of people vote for ideological reasons, but ultimately it’s the cool kid who gets elected. Most voters figure he’ll hire the former Dungeon n’ Dragons president anyway (Bush and Karl Rove, anyone?).

Pages: 1 2

Comments (5)

Redneck Mommy

Monday, 2 May, 2011 at 14:53

You know, I read the entire post but all I can think is, Wow, Layton was a total fox in his younger years. I’d have been all over him like snot on a kid.

Ahem.

Chris

Monday, 2 May, 2011 at 18:34

As weird as it sounds, I have to agree…Layton was a slayer in his younger years. Then he grew a mustache. And a tumour on his prostate. And it was all gone.

Jason

Monday, 2 May, 2011 at 17:04

As usual Chris, I think you nailed this one. I was worried that after all your time in Vancouver you would end it by giving some sort of soft endorsement for Layton… thanks for the balanced approach that summarizes the simple fact that they are all brutal. We are indeed up the creek. I know it’s bad when all I really want to happen in this election is status quo. Seriously. Nobody move, nobody gets hurt. Just. leave. it. alone. Maybe in different times I’d wish for some kind of ‘winds of change’ scenario, but not right now.

Chris

Monday, 2 May, 2011 at 18:48

Thanks Jason – years in Vancouver made me realize that idealism is nice, but pragmatism is what gets things done. I don’t expect the kind of government I want so much as the kind of government I can live with, and if that means our PM is one who could easily join the cast of Big Bang Theory, who cares? so long as he’s got Ren and Stimpy to check him from doing anything too stupid, then what’s to change? We emerged from a crippling world economic crisis in better shape than any other developed nation, we’ve got a Bank of Canada head who’s pretty adamant that we don’t do anything more stupid than we have already, and the previous government seemed inclined to agree with him. There’s been no rollback in social policy, and while Health Care promises to be a crisis, at least there will be attempts to fix it that may involve private delivery without abandoning all of us for it altogether. We suck on the climate change and alternative fuel sources front, but I don’t think caps on CO2 emissions is the right way to measure the problem either, and I do wish Harper would stop using that fact as an excuse to do nothing. The only thing that I think we need to explore seriously (and this is a result of time in Lotusland) is treating drug use as a health issue instead of a criminal one, and to legalize drugs and tax them. I realize this can’t happen unless there’s movement to do the same thing in the US, so I don’t waste time worrying about it.

So yeah…as a nation we’re not very sexy, but otherwise we’re the envy of the world, and rightfully so.

Roberta

Monday, 2 May, 2011 at 21:05

Ah Chris, you nailed this one completely. I have never seen an election less inspiring than this one. NO debates in our house this time as I honestly could not say I felt 100% loyal to any of the robotic personalities we offer. I will say that I agree that whilst I am sure peeling away the skin of Harper will reveal a Terminator like robot, I don’t feel any inspired passion for Layton (whose moustache and cane make me think of silent film villians) or Ignatieff (now HE makes me reminds me of the slimeball professors I worked with at UBC). So really..they all make claims, drive no inspiration for loyalty and hopefully will come to a group consensus on how to keep our Canadian heads above water in these challenging times. So vote I did as I take my civic responsibility seriously but I can’t say I will watch for results with nervous anticipation.