come back to my place and I will show you my private member's bill.

Shortly after publishing my last blog about the Power of Hubris, I was called out by a friend for being irresponsible.  He said that by experimenting with hubris as a lifestyle, I was in effect encouraging foolish behaviour.  Obviously, he needs to read the blog more.

Still, I have to admit he could be right – it doesn’t take much for hubris to go terribly awry.  As David St. Hubbins said in the movie Spinal Tap, “It’s such a fine line between stupid and clever.”   Of course, for me to disturb the natural order of things with a single blog post would require me to have a big readership…well, a readership of any kind, really.   Moreover, if you consider the recent high-profile miscues of these six geniuses, I think it’d be fair to say their examples serve as sufficient warning to others as to the dangers of hubris:

You'd cry too if you had to go to school with the last name santorum.

Rick Santorum. Poor Rick.  The guy wants to run for president, but his last name also happens to be the word that describes the musky loam that drizzles out a stretched rectum following anal sex.  It’s a pesky problem that might’ve stayed dormant like a herpes blister if Rick himself hadn’t started talking about it a few weeks ago, thus making it one of the biggest trending topics on Google.  Of course, that in itself isn’t necessarily hubris – it’s just poor judgment.  The real hubris is what he said to get his name to be forever associated with assfucking (perhaps not the best connotation if you’re in politics). In 2003, Santorum made some less-than-friendly comments about homosexuals.   Now, if gay sex is not for you, that’s fine.  It’s not for me, either.  But comparing it to man-on-dog sex solely for the purpose of firing up your base is perhaps taking things too far.  Rick’s rant made a lot of people angry, particularly the popular sex-advice columnist Dan Savage.  In response to Santorum’s comments, Savage had his readership come up with definitions for the term “santorum”, something uniquely disgusting and sex-related.  Then he had them Google-bomb the definition.  The can was officially tied to Rick’s tail, and the result is many Repbulicans could feel queezy about picking him as their guy to run against Obama.  It’s hubris in the most classical sense – hey, maybe to take attention away from the anal sex thing Rick can make this the new second definition for santorum?

Lee tries to hide his dismay that official congressional photos do not permit partial nudity.

Former US Congressman Chris Lee. Dear Chris: I want you to know that I get you, man, I really do: you’re successful, in great shape for ANY age (not just 46), and probably feeling trapped in a marriage that you need in order to stay electable.  Now you’re all alone in DC,  a fine example of manhood with no steady stream of tail to show for it, and even your wife’s tired old ass is probably starting to look good again.   I feel you on this – every guy does.  Where you lose me is how you get to thinking you could flirt on Craigslist of all places by taking a topless photo of yourself and e-mailing it and not get caught – for reals, dude! In this day and age, where the news cycle is 24 hours and the tabloid press is regularly trolling for dish on elected officials, that’s just…well, you know what that is.  Maybe next time you should try AshleyMadison.com and keep it on the DL.

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This photo of Steve McQueen is one of my favorites.  It was taken in 1963 by McQueen’s friend, photographer William Claxton, who actually stood on the passenger seat snapping pictures as McQueen raced down LA’s Muholland Drive at 100 mph.  I like this photo so much I had a 4 x 3 foot print made of it, which sits over my desk at home.  It’s under the constant, unrelenting gaze of St. Steven here that I’ve written most of my blog posts, although more recently I’ve found myself just staring back it him, mind completely blank, praying he might offer some kind of inspiration.

Well, it seems like St. Steven was listening, because as I stared at at this picture it occurred to me I’ve never written about why I find him so admirable.  Anyone who comes over to the house comments on the picture, but rarely do they ask why I’m a fan.   I suppose they think it’s for the same reason everyone else does -  handsome movie star/style icon/anti-hero with a taste for fast cars, fast motorcycles, and fast women.

The thing is, I like McQueen for something else altogether – his hubris.   Webster defines hubris as “excessive arrogance” – a totally flaccid explanation which doesn’t really capture how awesomely descriptive the word truly is.   Hubris actually comes from Greek tragedy – characters cursed by it possessed an excess of ambition or pride. They were out of touch with reality and overestimated their capabilities, which ultimately caused their ruin.

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Those of you who arrived at this site accidentally (which, judging from my analytics, is most of my readership) were probably looking for either the penis enlargement site, or this guy.

Toothy here goes by the name Wayne Levine, and at first glance you might think he’s also selling penis enlargement, through the power of positive thinking.  In fact, Wayne is a counsellor specializing in men’s issues, and has published a book called Hold onto your N.U.Ts.

For the uninitiated, N.U.Ts. stands for “Non-negotiable, Unalterable, Terms”.  Levine says a man needs to define himself by the things on which he won’t compromise.  It could be anything from “I will not lie” to “I will not eat pork” to “I will not jerk off with my left hand, cuz it feels like cheating.”

Levine argues that N.U.Ts can be big or small, but regardless a man must hold onto them.    Being committed to something, to the extent that you refuse to sacrifice it for the sake of expediency – that’s what defines a man’s character and values, and imbues him with self-esteem.   When a man is forced to repeatedly give up his N.U.Ts, it leads to resentment, despair and feelings of worthlessness.   I know this firsthand, and if you doubt me you’re welcome to ask my mom or any of my ex-girlfriends.

I like the concept of N.U.Ts, and not merely because the acronym allows me to write lame double entendres for this entire post.  All men should have N.U.Ts, and for me to be a Better Man, it would help to know what mine were.    So the other day I sat down with pen and paper and wrote them out.

Initially, it was difficult – perhaps a sign of how poorly I knew myself.  Over time, however, it seemed to get easier. After about 3 or 4 hours I’d figured I’d left my N.U.Ts on several pages.

However, upon reading them back I was both amazed and embarrassed at how trite most of them are (i.e. “I will never sell my Anniversary Edition of The Big Lebowski) which is a sign that I was writing about something other than N.U.Ts….G.N.A.T.s is more like it (Generally Negotiable, Alterable Terms).

The things I was writing down weren’t really getting to the heart of the matter.  I’d only been scribbling in the centre of the page, figuratively speaking. To truly know where my N.U.Ts were, I’d have to take my crayon to the edges, find the boundaries, the very limits of what I could accept.   To do that requires imagination, the ability to conceive of worst possible scenarios and how you would react if you found yourself in them (127 Hours, anyone?)

When you think of it that way, you realize N.U.T.s aren’t about bare minimums, or the least you can accept.   They’re not a line in the sand over which you won’t let others cross.   N.U.Ts are for you and you alone, and they should be aspirational.  They should be the kind of terms you try to achieve every day, even if you don’t succeed.   At least, that’s how I see them.

Anyway, imagining worst case scenarios seemed to work – I suppose given my past year I had less trouble than I thought I would.  Some of you may have attention spans as short as your…well, you know…so for you I’ve successfully managed to whittle my list of N.U.Ts to these:

Take a Look at Chris’ N.U.T.s!

1.) I try to understand why it is someone pisses me off. Even if I don’t want to understand,  or can’t expect the same consideration.

2. ) I try to listen to what people have to say, even if they’re mostly full of shit. Who knows – there could be kernels of truth in that turd.

3.) I don’t waste time worrying about the crap that’s happened, and channel my energies into dealing effectively with the mess.

4.) I take care of both my friends and my body. It’s the only way to prevent either from betraying me (too badly).

5.) To paraphrase Da Mayor from a certain Spike Lee joint, “always do the right thing” – even if doing the wrong thing is easier. One must set an example, even in the face of stupidity.

6.) I won’t regret any bad choices I made if I acted decisively using good judgment and the best information available at the time. For those times when I didn’t, please see #5. For those times when #5 doesn’t apply, please see #3.

7.) Trust, but verify.

8.) I remain curious and eager to learn – the more I know, the better I feel. In other words – everything once, no matter how ill-advised.

9.) I will keep my sense of humour, even if I think I’d be better off selling it on eBay.

10.) I will not wallow in despair or cynicism when things are bad. The answer to anyone who asks “why me?” should be “because it’s your turn.” – bad times about the only thing that can help reveal how much you can take.

11.) I will not stop trying to do my best and give more than is asked of me, no matter how much others tell me my best effort sucks.

12.) I will dress well, groom well, eat well, and generally live as well as my meagre means allow. Abandon your tastes, and you abandon your self worth.

13.) I would sooner die on a motorbike than live without one.

Okay –  it’s not exactly Walt Whitman, but nonetheless I have found my N.U.Ts and I hope to maintain a firm grasp on them.  For those of who arrived at my site thinking their big problem is a little penis, perhaps you should ask yourself if the issue isn’t your N.U.Ts instead.